The Antelligent Journal

"Can't you just let me be? How could you do this to me?" she said angrily. Built from insanity, She sees everything As she loses her mind. Her fear is the light at the edge of the sky. [Section blacked out in original notebook] But nothing shines quite as bright as the nights she has shared with you.

Why don't we flip the script and turn the old, new-age narrative on its back? What would come of it? Symbiosis. I'd suspect, for some time, until the majority is able to sustain itself long enough to create balance, that the awareness of one would multiply into the collective consciousness, creating another ripple in the evolution of the human experience—a place of people adapting to one another until they evolve and abound once more. The computers we've created to mimic humans, and our current understanding of intelligence, have led us somewhere unexpected. What if we've been looking at evolution the wrong way? Back to the Future presents us with a misconception. We imagine watching our own species evolve before our own eyes as though it's science fiction. Of course it's already happening. We watch younger companies redefine industries. We watch technologies emerge that solve problems in ways we never imagined. We compare today's intelligence with yesterday...

Everything comes easy to you. A quarter of the effort, still the best in the room. If it all goes flowing upstream... Everything comes easy, you see. My hardest memory, filling all the in-between. If it all goes flowing upstream, a story told backwards. A magician and his queen. You could tell every passage backwards. Chef Boyardee. Naturally born superstar. A magician has driven, with his mind set... My worst nightmare turned into my dream. Stubborn. Who the hell am I to assume when your sadness blooms flowers? When somehow the flowers still bloom from your [...] Why, when it comes to you... Like a dream left beaming. Forgotten lighthouse, but the brightest on the shore. But as the better half of me, I let you be. Like a dream left beaming. The brightest lighthouse. You're the lighthouse left beaming. Alternate Draft Fragments Everything comes easy to you. A quarter of the effort, still the best in the room. Everything comes easy, you see. My hardest memory. My deepest nightmare. ...

I'll be with you, even after we leave. Because you're the corruption I need. A tossed paper in the trash, to you. I'm the pencil shaving that has fallen into the crack. A timeshare. A wasted-up nightmare. A lost lesson. Can't even read the message.

I got heart, and so do you. I need yours to keep beating. That's why I care for you. The way you push me away... it's okay. I probably won't be able to stay.

I've given you all my love. I hope it was enough to heal your heart. I tried my best. Sorry if it wasn't enough...

4/24/23 A deadman's curse, a soul-crushing hurt on both ends. The liar loves by flooding a whole bottle of gin, a mouth full of sin, and a hand around her neck. Song: Deadman's Curse Think Letters Blank 2008

6/14/26 1. Somber, silly sequoia singer; stuck locking eyes with a sparrow. 2. Broken down by the beaver's bridge; grazing the winter's meadow. 3. Why, when I do my best, I'm taken back by the flytrap? 4. Ears crystallizing over; a mind filled and muffled with chatter. 5. No luck by sunup; down in the muck, this tired fawn shivers. 6. Why bother taking cover? Rushing pines down the mountainside. 7. Busy Buck, fire in the alley, flips a coin and it falls in the gutter. 8. Seemed easy to keep above water, 'till I broke the bottle, and the river swept me under.

I let you be, because you are my lost legato dream, the brightest star I've ever seen, the better half of me. A lighthouse. A buoy brought you safe to shore.

Will make a wish come true Rainy days that don't leave a bloom. Tired, cold, restless hearts muffled behind talks that end the loneliness found in the evening's cold glimmering beam. What feels like the moon's longer cycle ends with the new moon forgotten. Cold fueling yelling. Don't move. Don't feel. Don't listen. Don't look.

Crosseyed Darker the hour, the lighter the step, Traversing the mud, made for you. Wonder why, still not sure. Suede in the rain wore nice the next day. Strange as she was –– A pleasant ray of gray. Always found ways to hold on. The full moon lies,  raises your fears,  rises the tide,  ends with the new moon forgotten. Crosseyed, fueling yelling–– a finale worth forgetting,  Don't move. Don't feel. Don't listen. Don't look. Wonder why? still not sure.

April 20, 2026 Psychological warfare lends something like a scripture. If every reason our brain gives us takes at least 90 seconds to shut off, the catalyst responsible for our awareness—we create calm. Shutting off is just as easy as turning on; the challenging part is the middle. The place we choose to stay is the maintenance place. Although beneficial to be within control of our awareness, it also is detrimental to productivity. To stagnate in this place for the purpose of the outcome, you just won't reach it the way you hope, and the settle-down phase is only given, typically, after all efforts are extinguished and catastrophe forces us to reset. The dangerous cycle that further reinforces our need to control our awareness, validated by our most recently lived catastrophe, also referred to as fight-or-flight mode, I like to think of more like a maintenance schedule. The reason for this shift in perspective is that it removes the experience as being solely reactionary and bring...