The Antelligent Journal

"Can't you just let me be? How could you do this to me?" she said angrily. Built from insanity, She sees everything As she loses her mind. Her fear is the light at the edge of the sky. [Section blacked out in original notebook] But nothing shines quite as bright as the nights she has shared with you.

Everything comes easy to you. A quarter of the effort, still the best in the room. If it all goes flowing upstream... Everything comes easy, you see. My hardest memory, filling all the in-between. If it all goes flowing upstream, a story told backwards. A magician and his queen. You could tell every passage backwards. Chef Boyardee. Naturally born superstar. A magician has driven, with his mind set... My worst nightmare turned into my dream. Stubborn. Who the hell am I to assume when your sadness blooms flowers? When somehow the flowers still bloom from your [...] Why, when it comes to you... Like a dream left beaming. Forgotten lighthouse, but the brightest on the shore. But as the better half of me, I let you be. Like a dream left beaming. The brightest lighthouse. You're the lighthouse left beaming. Alternate Draft Fragments Everything comes easy to you. A quarter of the effort, still the best in the room. Everything comes easy, you see. My hardest memory. My deepest nightmare. ...

I'll be with you, even after we leave. Because you're the corruption I need. A tossed paper in the trash, to you. I'm the pencil shaving that has fallen into the crack. A timeshare. A wasted-up nightmare. A lost lesson. Can't even read the message.

I got heart, and so do you. I need yours to keep beating. That's why I care for you. The way you push me away... it's okay. I probably won't be able to stay.

I've given you all my love. I hope it was enough to heal your heart. I tried my best. Sorry if it wasn't enough...

4/24/23 A deadman's curse, a soul-crushing hurt on both ends. The liar loves by flooding a whole bottle of gin, a mouth full of sin, and a hand around her neck. Song: Deadman's Curse Think Letters Blank 2008

6/14/26 1. Somber, silly sequoia singer; stuck locking eyes with a sparrow. 2. Broken down by the beaver's bridge; grazing the winter's meadow. 3. Why, when I do my best, I'm taken back by the flytrap? 4. Ears crystallizing over; a mind filled and muffled with chatter. 5. No luck by sunup; down in the muck, this tired fawn shivers. 6. Why bother taking cover? Rushing pines down the mountainside. 7. Busy Buck, fire in the alley, flips a coin and it falls in the gutter. 8. Seemed easy to keep above water, 'till I broke the bottle, and the river swept me under.

I let you be, because you are my lost legato dream, the brightest star I've ever seen, the better half of me. A lighthouse. A buoy brought you safe to shore.

Will make a wish come true Rainy days that don't leave a bloom. Tired, cold, restless hearts muffled behind talks that end the loneliness found in the evening's cold glimmering beam. What feels like the moon's longer cycle ends with the new moon forgotten. Cold fueling yelling. Don't move. Don't feel. Don't listen. Don't look.

Crosseyed Darker the hour, the lighter the step, Traversing the mud, made for you. Wonder why, still not sure. Suede in the rain wore nice the next day. Strange as she was –– A pleasant ray of gray. Always found ways to hold on. The full moon lies,  raises your fears,  rises the tide,  ends with the new moon forgotten. Crosseyed, fueling yelling–– a finale worth forgetting,  Don't move. Don't feel. Don't listen. Don't look. Wonder why? still not sure.